What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 11:40
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She loved him until the end.
What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
All the time i was locked up.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Can you share a story of someone who had a lucky experience while hitchhiking?
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do I like to eat my own cum?
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it wasn’t much.
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was very sick at this time too.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?
But, we were locked up after school.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Put me off passion for life!!
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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My life is so biszare .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I waited trembling.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is soul school!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
She wouldn,t have been !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I think the readers, may guess!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I write beautiful poetry .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One cannot live in the past .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i do to all so called friends.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So, i spoilt her more .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im still living with it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was scared of men, in general
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I have no regrets .
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I never cut or harmed myself..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She found it foreign!.
We were not on the streets..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He knew the spot.
It was going to be , some day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I don,t even have a pension.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I will be 64.
I said to her
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.